5 Awesome Things about the 2012 Canadian National Exhibition

It's that time of year again. You can tell that summer is almost over because the CNE is here. 
So what works this year?
Here are the top 5 things at the 2012 Canadian National Exhibition:

1. Counterfeit Kids Toys

All the classic Care Bear characters: Cheer Bear, Tenderheart Bear, Hotaru Assassin Bear, Funshine Bear

Every couple of years there'll be a news story or two about how toy companies are angry with the unlicensed, brand-damaging, sweat-shop made prizes being handed out at various midway games.

At the end of the day, if I can win a Ninja Care Bear, I'm doing it. 

I don't care whether Ninja Care Bears are canon in the deep, well structured, Care Bear mythology or not, JUST GIVE ME MY GOD-DAMN PRIZE.

2. Booze and Drunks 

I remember when I was younger my parents taking me to the Ex, but muttering under their breath about how dirty it is, how sketchy every one there is, and how drunk/high/stoned/just plain old-fashioned trailer trash it's patrons tend to be.  

As a child I didn't notice the beer tents every 30 feet or so, but as an adult that's where I spent most of my time. 

Licensed areas at the CNE are highlighted. 

The best part of the licenced areas? As shown on the above map, they are all centered around the Midway and the Casino, which (at least in my mind) are the two areas you should probably keep drunk people away from.

And believe me, people get drunk.
I mean LOADED drunk. 
This video is the best I was able to get, and I think it gives you the gist of the level of intoxication at the Ex. People dancing (and not in an ironic, detached sense) to the world's worst Rolling Stone cover band, in the beer tent right outside BMO field (because nothing makes more sense than making it easy for drunks leaving a TFC game to get even more drunk).

And so after getting bored of this "rock and roll" themed beer tent, why not scoot 60 feet over to the "tropical beach paradise" themed tent? Because if I'm going to go on the zipper and tilt-a-whirl, I want my margarita first, dammit. 

All joking aside, nothing actually is better than having drinks in close proximity to the tilt-a-whirl

3. The Worlds Worst Flea Market

I'm a Flea Market fan, and that's exactly what the Direct Energy Centre becomes when the Ex is around. It becomes the world's worst, most over-priced Flea Market.

But every once and a while, you see something... some product that changes everything.

A product that makes your Exhibition visit worthwhile...

4. Ridiculous Food

Over the last couple of years, over-the-top food has become an Exhibition staple.

It seriously is like some kind of retarded food-based arms race. I can imagine the food vendor discussions in the off season:

Vendor Boss: Did you see what Jim did last year? Donut hamburgers! We need to top that. 

Vendor Employee: How about we deep fry something?

Vendor Boss: No, deep frying is played out... butter, coke, bacon wrapped mars bars, it's all been done

Vendor Employee: Well then why don't we make a BLT with TWO kinds of bacon?

Vendor Boss: You're insulting me. That's too easy.

Vendor Employee: Maybe, but then let's add something completely wrong to that sandwich. Peanut butter.

Vendor Boss: Hmmm... it just might work. But instead of peanut butter, we use NUTELLA.

And so you end up with this:

And even though it's disgusting as hell at first bite, you get used to it after a while.

5. Lights

Not to finish on a soft note, but after beer, margaritas, fat guys wobbling, and bacon, lettuce, tomato & Nutella sandwiches, nothing beats staring at this from the top of the Ferris wheel: