Thursday, July 14, 2011

What Uniform will They Wear into the Hall?

Young Roberto Alomar plays hit the hoop with the stick with the boys
In January 2011 it was announced that Roberto Alomar was to be inducted to the baseball hall of fame. This didn’t come as a real surprise, as Alomar is the second best second baseman to ever play the game, and the best hit the hoop with the stick player, ever.*  

What is special about Roberto Alomar entering the baseball hall of fame is that he’ll be doing so wearing the Blue Jays uniform. This makes him the first player wearing the ole blue & white in Cooperstown.

There are tons of other athletes of various sports that played for Toronto, that for one reason or another chose not to wear their Toronto uniform into whatever hall of fame they were inducted into.  And there’s a crop of future hall of famers that have either just retired or will be retiring from their respective sports in the next few years. So that got me thinking… what uniform will these Toronto superstars wear into their respective halls of fame?

Athlete: Carlos Delgado

Teams Played for:
  • Toronto Blue Jays 1993-2004
  • Florida Marlins 2005
  • New York Mets 2006–2009
Chance of making the hall of fame: 81%

Carlos Delgado was an awesome Blue Jay. The man had class, was loved by the city and his teammates, won 3 AL Silver Slugger Awards and was a 2 time all star with the Jays.  He dodged the steroid speculation that plagued many of his peers, while putting up solid career numbers. For crying out loud, he won the Roberto Clemente award for being a stand up dude. Players with similar numbers have made the hall, and they haven’t been the solid individuals that Delgado is. This guy deserves the hall of fame, but might miss out because he lacks the flash of some of the better know players of his time.

Uniform Worn:

Blue Jays. He was a popular Met and finished his career in NY, but spent 11 seasons with the Jays. He was an All Star with the Jays; he won his silver sluggers with the Jays; he won the Hank Aaron award with the Jays. He did help the Mets to the post season in 2006, but never achieved the same success there as in Toronto.

Athlete: Roy Halladay

Teams Played for:
  • Toronto Blue Jays 1998-2009
  • Philadelphia Phillies 20010-present
Chance of making the hall of fame: 99%

Roy Halladay is the best pitcher of all time. 8 time all star; 2 time Cy Young winner; perfect game and post-season no hitter pitcher. As impressive a technical pitcher as he is a boring human being. The man is like a Stepford Wife as a pitcher. And not an intriguing, mysterious Stepford Wife from the original flick. I mean a bland Matthew Broderick remake Stepford Wife. And speaking of Matthew Broderick, the only way Halladay is not making the Hall of Fame is if he kills Matthew Broderick.  

Uniform Worn:

Phillies. It’s kind of early to say, but Halladay probably has 5 or so years left in the tank. He pitched his vaunted no-hitter and perfect game in Philly, and won the NL Cy Young award his first year there. In one year he’s gone from being an underappreciated gem to the most over-exposed player in baseball. He could retire tomorrow and he’s still going in as a Philly.

Athlete: Vince Carter

Teams Played for:
  • Toronto Raptors 1999-2004
  • New Jersey Nets 2004-2009
  • Orlando Magic 2009-2010
  • Phoenix Suns 2010-present
Chance of making the hall of fame: 84%

Vince Carter is closer to the hall of fame than you might think. According to this site he ranks as the 68th all time best basketball player, and has a Hall of Fame probability of .8955, based on similar players who have made the hall. Every player better than him on the list of 68 has made the hall of fame. 

Also there’s the fact he’s a giant douche. He’s lazy, he seems to get injuries when he doesn’t get his way, he’s known for giving up, throwing tantrums and refusing to play. He ducks responsibility, has no sense of team, and exudes an air of entitlement.   

Uniform Worn:

Girl Scout. What's that Vince? You don't think that's funny? Wait, your knee hurts? You're crying again? Go play your god damn clarinet.

* Number one? Jackie Robinson. Number two? Roberto Alomar, end of story. Any douchebag who tries to tell you Rogers Hornsby or Eddie Collins was better is an idiot. Players who played the majority of their baseball careers prior to 1950 were playing a different game. That game was not baseball. I mean, sure, it was called baseball, but it was closer in spirit to that game you see in movies where kids chase a hoop down the street with a stick. That game was retarded. But the mentality of hit the hoop with the stick permeated all sports in the early 1900s, including baseball. You would never see a modern athlete playing hit the hoop with the stick. If modern athletes did play hit the hoop with the stick, I guarantee you Roberto Alomar would be the best hit the hoop with the stick player ever.

Actually the more I think about it, the more I realize that hit the hoop with the stick sounds like it could be a euphemism for anal sex. And we all know that Alomar had some anal sex experiences best described by someone other than me. So really, he is the best hit the hoop with the stick player AND playa of all time. 

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