Friendship is Rasmus!

Because if any Jay was a brony, it'd be Colby

Merry Christmas from Bautista's Beard

The title says it all:

Goodbye JPA

My parting gift to you, JP, is this video.

Behold the splendor that is "THE BELOW REPLACEMENT LEVEL HULK":

Yet Another Half Finished Video! ROBO AA 20XX

There is more to come, I swear.
Got to the point where I wanted to get this out before the Leafs started taking shots, which I'm sure is going to happen any day now... right?

I Haven't Posted in a While (DRAGON BALL STEVE (DELABAR))...

...and I was like almost, just about knee-deep on making an actual Dragon Ballz cartoon starring Steve Delabar, who is perhaps the most amazing cyborg to ever play baseball, specifically in 2013. Then I looked at my life-schedule and realized what I was working on wouldn't be ready until December. So I stopped. But this is kind of a hint of where I was going.

Rock. 

Roll. 

Also, NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA TRAILER. 

How the Team Canada Goalie Decision will be Solved

In case you missed it, in late August, the Canadian men's hockey team met in Calgary to begin training for next year's Olympics in Sochi.

Unfortunately, because of the high cost of insurance, they had to stay off the ice; so the entire training session was played out via ball hockey.

As any seasoned ball hockey goalie will tell you, it's a different game once you take the skates off.

Tonight I was the Jack Morris of ball hockey goalies. Allowing 7 goals late but winning 10-8 isn't blowing a lead; it's saving to the score

— Cashew Mirman (@CashewMirman) August 20, 2013

You don't have the lateral speed you have on ice,  and although you're more stable (especially when there's heavy traffic in front of the net) smaller moves and adjustments are near impossible to complete.

Also, you sweat like a motherf**ker.

So thinking about that got me wondering about how the potential Team Canada goalies fared in Calgary.

There were a handful of goalies earmarked to compete for a spot on the team: Roberto Luongo, Corey Crawford, Braden Holtby, Carey Price, Mike Smith...

But maybe there were a couple more people there? And maybe it played out (like so much does these days) on Roberto Luongo's cellphone?

Blue Jays 2HP Twitter Blender: September 1st, 2013

I tried something similar to this once before.
I took a Mike Wilner tweet and tried to make a cartoon out of it.
It didn't quite work.

Then yesterday Rogers Centre broke.
And Wilner tweeted about it.
And then Jose Bautista's twitter account decided to follow me.
And then I noticed a tweet saying Hayao Miyazaki retired.
So I tried again.

Space Jays 2: The Wrath of Zaun

Back in March I made a movie called Space Jays.

March was a good time to be a Blue Jays fan. Before the taint of 2013 took hold, we all looked forward to watching Josh Johnson dominate; we all thought Melky Cabrera would prove to the world he wasn't being held together by PEDs; we all loved Metric's Stadium Love.

Since March the world has become a much darker place.

Back when I made Space Jays, it's unbridled optimism made sense. That kind of thinking doesn't work today.

So I'm rebooting Space Jays in it's sequel.

I'm making it darker... grittier.

Enjoy this trailer:

Also, enjoy the original Space Jays:

And since you're here, if you're a Toronto sports fan you might as well watch this:

Remember that time it looked like I was plagiarized?

I've never played Capcom's "Lost Planet" games.

I enjoy gaming, but if I'm going to spend time stuck on an alien planet killing things, I'd prefer that experience to contain the hyper-melodramatic-space-opera-bull-shit of Mass Effect 1 and/or 3 (Mass Effect 2, for all it's accolades, struck me as much too dry and/or self-serious).
Anways, Lost Planet has always struck me as the "Pitch Black" of space games, whereas I'm more a "Chronicles of Riddick" kinda guy.

Of course I'm probably the world's only "Chronicles of Riddick" kinda guy.

When I first saw the trailer for "Lost Planet 3", the first thing that popped to mind was "wow that dude looks like RA Dickey".

Then someone tweeted something, and I remembered "Space Jays".

So Capcom, I'm firing the first shot: if there are space lasers in this game, I'm taking y'all to court.

Angry Bretts

I think it's pretty obvious that Brett Lawrie like his cell phone:

I mean, the dude tweets about Swedish House Mafia often enough that at least a couple of 'em must've been sent from his cell.

And if he's got a smart phone, he's probably got Angry Birds.

Which is pretty fitting, because he's the Angriest Bird I know of (by bird I mean Blue Jay, not British woman).

And seeing how Angry Birds isn't afraid to license their game off to the highest paying intellectual property, I think it's only fitting that Brett Lawrie gets a shot at it.

The Munenori Kawasaki All Star Write-In Campaign Video: The Washington Nationals

Bluebird Banter's Munenori Kawasaki write in campaign is barrelling full steam ahead.

Of course, Kawasaki's performance today is making it pretty easy to want to write him in:



Whereas before I approached this campaign via an anti-Jhonny Peralta attack ad, I thought this time it was best to model a vid on Kawasaki's seemingly endless positivity. Well sort of. It's at least as positive as I can get.

Thanks to @Minor_Leaguer at Bluebird Banter @Matt_HBB from House of the Bluebird for the great GIF action.

Rob and Doug: Pug Brothers

I had this idea to make a cartoon about a couple of pugs, who are brothers. One of them is the mayor of Dog City. The other is a city councillor or something.
Then they find a cell phone.
The Rob and Doug Ford had to go screw it up for me.

GIF OF THE DAY: How to help Melky Cabrera's Legs (and Henry Blanco's too)

I'm running this into the ground.
But after watching Melky hobble into second base looking like a sixty year old man multiple times the last week, I feel this is something I needed to do.
Also, Henry Blanco is a slow man. A lucky man, but still slow.
This would probably help the both of them (and after watching tonight's game, it might be a good idea for Edwin Encarnacion as well).

How to Deal with Melky's Ailing Legs

Melky Cabrera looks to be in extreme pain when rounding the bases. There's been much speculation on how to deal with his damaged legs.
May I suggest this:

Tat Tig-Rs: Toronto Sports Robot Heroes

So last night, May 1st, all of Toronto Sports imploded in on itself.
Mostly because of Boston, but also because none of this city's teams include transforming robots.
I saw someone on twitter (@suicidepass) call Dion Phaneuf "Grimlock" a couple of weeks ago.
And that got me thinking, that maybe that's what this city needs:

The Munenori Kawasaki All Star Write-In Campaign Video: Jhonny Peralta

The fine folks over at Bluebird Banter have launched a campaign to get Munenori Kawasaki, the Toronto Blue Jays own personal GIF generator, written in as shortstop for the 2013 All Star Game.

Every good campaign needs a good attack ad, which is where this comes in:

Absolute Nonsense: Both Gregg Zaun's Air Pressure Claims and this Video

As proven yesterday, Gregg Zaun was almost certainly ill informed when he suggested the removal of Windows' windows led to an increase in Rogers' Centre home runs. 

That, combined with yet another disappointing Jays game today, left me in a strange head-space today. 

And I started thinking about what really could be behind the large number of homers. 

And much like Zaun, I made wild, ill-informed assumptions, based on the first things that popped in my head. 

Unlike Zaun, the first thing that popped in my head wasn't piss-poor science.  

It was real science. 

And baseball memorabilia. 

And Gregg Zaun himself.

And also Kraftwerk. 

Does No More Windows = Lots More Home Runs?

There were a lot of home runs in the first 6 ball games played at Rogers Centre since Windows restaurant was converted to an open air patio. 23 to be exact.

That's an average of 3.83 per game,  ranking the dome first in the majors for overall home runs (second in dingers per game to Arlington, but only 3 games have been played there).

Rogers Centre has always been considered a relatively hitter-friendly park, but this apparent spike raised a few eyebrows over the weekend. In particular, Gregg Zaun mentioned during the Jays broadcast that removing the windows may have a positive effect on a batter's ability to hit one out of the park.

I reached out to a good friend of mine - a respected mechanical engineer with extensive experience with the effects of air pressure on enclosed environments (he designs mines) - to see what effect he would expect opening windows to the concourse would have.

The non-scientific document I sent my friend to explain the renovations. Fortunately, he knows how to use the internet and found actual realistic pictures.

Below is his response:

In my professional opinion there is no evidence to suggest that the recent renovations to the Rogers Centre, including the conversion of the Windows restaurant to an open air venue, would possibly effect the physical dynamics of the game at play. In order for 1 mile per hour of air flow to be produced through the open air space (which would have a negligible effect on a baseball in the proximity of the opening) approximately 100,000 cfm of air would have to be exhausted within the restaurant. An exhaust fan this size would be no less than 5 feet in diameter and require a 150 horsepower motor to operate.  

So if it's not physics increasing the number of home runs, then what is it?
Does the patio provide something easier for batters to aim at?
Is there some intangible I'm not aware of?
Is it just the result of an incredibly small sample size? 
Any thoughts? 

Let's Boo John Farrell

Last night was one of the best Jays games I've ever been to.
The crowd (with the exception of a few more douchey bros than usual) was great.
The game itself was fun.
And people booed the living hell out of John Farrell. I mean booed to the point that he must have DREADED coming out of the dugout. I would place money on the fact that after the below video, he sat down and turned to face Brian Butterfield who wiped a single tear away from his eye.
Yeah the Red Sox won, but with a vibe this good, who cares?

Super Baseball Toronto GM Ninja Battle

A few weeks ago, I was asked to contribute a video to an article on the path to the 2013 Toronto Blue Jays in Canadian Business magazine.
The article is one of the best and most thorough pieces I've read on the team. It's the perfect  way to eat up a slow Friday afternoon while stuck at work, pretending to be productive, counting down the minutes until the return of John Farrell.

The video isn't too shabby either:

Anthony Gose ran through a Wall

Anthony Gose ran through a wall and I couldn't find actual video of it for the longest time.
So I thought about what it might look like and decided on this:

I'm really tired.
I apologize in advance.

The Lost Blue Jays Cartoon: Space Jays

Most people have probably heard by now that Blue Jays pitcher R.A. Dickey is a massive Star Wars fan.

And most people have probably also heard that J.P. Arencibia is a big R.A. Dickey fan.

And Mark Buehrle likes his dogs.

And all that info is fitting because it's all covered in this cartoon I stumbled across.

The Lost Blue Jays 8 Bit Old School Nintendo Video Game

I had this crazy dream the other night.

In it, I was playing a video game on an old school NES. And that video game was about the 2013 Blue Jays.

So I jumped on ebay, poked around for a bit, and sure enough, was able to track it down.

I have no idea how someone was able to predict what I'm sure will be the fate of the Jays this year, but dammit if this doesn't look pretty accurate.

Except I don't think Lind will get as many at bats.

But other than that, I think it's pretty bang on.

J.J. Abrams vs. John Farrell: What's with all these Dream Jobs?

Red Sox fans complained about the 2013 season's excessive lens flares 

I am not really a Trekkie.
I am also not really a Star Wars fan.

That being said, I probably know more about Star Trek mythology than most people.
I also know more about about Star Wars mythology than most people (My geek card should be validated by referring to both Star Trek and Star Wars minutae as "mythology").