Friendship is Rasmus!

Because if any Jay was a brony, it'd be Colby

Merry Christmas from Bautista's Beard

The title says it all:

Goodbye JPA

My parting gift to you, JP, is this video.

Behold the splendor that is "THE BELOW REPLACEMENT LEVEL HULK":

Blue Jays 2HP Twitter Blender: September 1st, 2013

I tried something similar to this once before.
I took a Mike Wilner tweet and tried to make a cartoon out of it.
It didn't quite work.

Then yesterday Rogers Centre broke.
And Wilner tweeted about it.
And then Jose Bautista's twitter account decided to follow me.
And then I noticed a tweet saying Hayao Miyazaki retired.
So I tried again.

How to Deal with Melky's Ailing Legs

Melky Cabrera looks to be in extreme pain when rounding the bases. There's been much speculation on how to deal with his damaged legs.
May I suggest this:

Absolute Nonsense: Both Gregg Zaun's Air Pressure Claims and this Video

As proven yesterday, Gregg Zaun was almost certainly ill informed when he suggested the removal of Windows' windows led to an increase in Rogers' Centre home runs. 

That, combined with yet another disappointing Jays game today, left me in a strange head-space today. 

And I started thinking about what really could be behind the large number of homers. 

And much like Zaun, I made wild, ill-informed assumptions, based on the first things that popped in my head. 

Unlike Zaun, the first thing that popped in my head wasn't piss-poor science.  

It was real science. 

And baseball memorabilia. 

And Gregg Zaun himself.

And also Kraftwerk. 

The Lost Blue Jays Cartoon: Space Jays

Most people have probably heard by now that Blue Jays pitcher R.A. Dickey is a massive Star Wars fan.

And most people have probably also heard that J.P. Arencibia is a big R.A. Dickey fan.

And Mark Buehrle likes his dogs.

And all that info is fitting because it's all covered in this cartoon I stumbled across.

Deciphering Tweets about the Toronto Blue Jays: Mike Wilner

This didn't really work out like I thought it would. Next time I do this, I'm making sure completely read the tweet before making a video. I could have sworn it said something about AA dressed like a cowboy. 

Who said R.A. Dickey is going to be a Blue Jay?

So my weekend was kind of ruined by the fact that RA Dickey is apparently going to be a Toronto Blue Jay.

I seriously spent at least 8 hours watching Twitter, in a mall's food court, while pretending to Christmas shop, waiting for the allegedly immanent trade to become official.

Ironically, neither the trade nor my Christmas shopping is done.

It got me thinking, though. Who is telling Ken Rosenthal et al about these trades?

Is it someone from the Jays? If so, who? How close are they? Are they THIS close:

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: John Gibbons gets the message that he's the new Blue Jays manager

I stumbled across this exclusive video of the phone call John Gibbons received, informing him that he was the successful candidate for the 2012 Blue Jays manager position.

I am a huge Gibbons fan, and can't wait to see him in his Jays K-way again.

Is Anthopoulos' "Comfort" Turning the Jays into Meg Ryan?

People believe Alex Anthopoulos is making a lot of phone calls on behalf of the Toronto Blue Jays.
Unfortunately the way things have been going for the Jays he'd have better luck calling radio talk shows in search of a wife for Tom Hanks.  

Last year I set about trying to drum up interest in a tent-pole blockbuster about your 2011 Toronto Blue Jays.

At the time I pegged Terrence Malick to direct, thinking he’d be willing to change pace from his usual visually-stunning-but-boring-as-hell style to take on the Blue Jays tale. Early reports of Tree of Life being a massive turd made me think he’d want a change of pace.

Well apparently my sources were wrong, as Tree of Life is being ranked amongst the best movies of the year. I refuse to see it out of the fact I know it’s going to a narcoleptic’s wet dream (anyone familiar with Malick’s work who disagrees with me is a liar).

But that got me thinking: what if the Blue Jays story isn’t a sprawling epic?

What if it’s actually a romantic comedy?

Directed by Nora Ephron..

What do I mean?

Top 10 Search Keywords that Bring You to Me

If you're reading this chances are you clicked on a link buried in a Toronto Blue Jays related article somewhere. Or perhaps you were intrigued by a craftily-written comment about some Canadian politics-related article and stumbled over here to see what witty bon-vivant was responsible.

The reason you decided to click on that link is something that really makes me think. Right now a couple of subjects fascinate the hell out of me. They are (in order of least to most fascinating):

1. How the hell the Blue Jays name is attached to every baseball trade rumour out there. Seriously, they're the baseball equivalent of a internet troll, pissing all over message boards everywhere.
2. How people find shit online.

Seriously.... Google something like "how to get people to my website" or "how to drive web traffic" and you'll find billions of results for either topic. 90% of these results tend to point to some self-annointed "expert" who for $19.95 will sell you a digital copy of his groundbreaking method to make money off of blogging. 9% will lead you to various SEO companies, promising to increase your Google ranking. 1% will lead you here.