Grits, NDP, Bloc all respond to Ojaru-Harper - is it too little too late?

Hoping to quell the overwhelming public response to "Oraju-Harper Smash-Go Time", the Liberal Party of Canada have spearheaded this response, working closely with the NDP, the Bloc Quebecois, the Green Party & even the Marijuana Party:

Is it too little too late?

Building a 60ft Anubis Robot Looks More Difficult Than I Initially Thought

This one is off the cuff. This is Cashew just talking like a normal guy.
I'm talking to you like I'd talk to a pal and/or buddy. You know, I'm dropping the journalistic integrity. I'm dropping to one knee and speaking mano-a-mano to you, my forgiving public.

You see, I may have bitten off a little bit more than I could chew.
I kinda lied to all of you - all of my loyal readers.

You see, it turns out building a 60ft tall Anubis robot is actually fairly difficult.

I've made calls to various people and places: universities, engineering firms, military consultants. No one is able to build the robot I promised in time for the election, let alone within a reasonable budget.

So I did what anyone would do in my shoes... I turned to the experts at Yahoo Answers.

And quite frankly, my new friend David F really helped me out. I didn't even consider public safety OR design stability when I proposed this creation.

I've posted his response below; in the meantime I would greatly appreciate help from anyone with ANY robot experience. You can reach me at cashew.mirman@gmail.com.

EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK: Harper vs. Anubis-bot!

Here it is folks, your exclusive first look at the anime prequel to Prime Minister Stephen Harper vs. Anubis-bot!
This fills in the gaps between what occurred after Anubis-bot won this website's recent poll, and what has occurred before the upcoing super-battle. Stay tuned for more!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!

It was a well fought battle, and it has come to a fitting end.

Robo-Anubis crushed the competition, beating out the tied-for-second place Croco-deer and Nano-fist in the competition for what Prime Minister Stephen Harper will fight to defend the honour of Canadians.

Psionic Jellyfish finished in last place with a single, disappointing vote.

While this blog was behind Croco-deer's entry, we are still excited with the result, and are confident that Robo-Anubis will give the Prime Minister the challenge he deserves.

We are currently working hard sourcing out the scientists and engineers required to build Robo-Anubis, and will keep you informed on our progress.

EXCLUSIVE: Edwin Encarnacion Interview

Our latino sister site - "Flaming Phoenix of Flames Muy Caliente!" was recently granted an exclusive interview with Blue Jays superstar, Edwin Encarnacion. He answers all the tough questions, including his thoughts on Juan Rivera, as well as his thoughts on Doug Flutie.

Poll, Updated With Pictures Yet Again: What Should Harper Fight to Defend Canada's Honour?

Jeff from Saskatoon has sent me even more email questions regarding this poll. A reminder to enter it if you haven't done so already.

Question 1: Jeff from Saskatoon asks "I find it hard to believe a 60ft Anubis robot could be built. In fact I am coming right out and calling you a liar - NO SUCH CREATURE EXISTS. Prove me wrong, Cashew... prove me wrong!"

Answer 1: Jeff, see these? They're called scientific blueprints - I understand you might not get them, but that's fine. Not all of us can understand science, jackass. Read them and weep. By the way, once my robot diety is done with Harper I'm sending him after you.

Top 100 Most Influential and Important People, Things and Emotions of the Last Ten Years: Number 93

People need order in their lives. People need to know what outranks what, and why it does so. We have taken an exhaustive look at every aspect of modern life, and have compiled this list. This is the definitive ranking of the people, the things, and the emotions that have shaped and changed our world, for better or for worse, over the last 10 years.

Of course based on it’s sheer size the list had to be broken into a number of smaller parts.

Only one item added to the list today, but stay tuned for Part III, coming soon. 

Poll, Updated With Pictures: What Should Harper Fight to Defend Canada's Honour?

I have recieved a number of emails regarding this poll. If you haven't entered it already, please do so.

It appears people are hesitant to vote due to some outstanding questions and concerns. I will do my best to address these.

Question 1: Jeff from Saskatoon asks "I am very interested in seeing Prime Minister Harper fight the Psionic Jellyfish, however am having trouble visualizing what said creature looks like. Can you help?"

Answer 1: Yes Jeff, I can. Below is an artist's representation of this fantasical creature fighting a scuba diver. Thank God I don't have to fight it!

Question 2: Jeff from Saskatoon asks "Exactly how big is this giant deer?"

Answer 2: Based on the below artist's representation of the crocodile-headed deer attacking Hogwarts Parliament Hill, I'd say pretty damn big

Is Mike McCoy the new Rance Mulliniks?

In a word, no.

                                 Mike McCoy                                       Rance Mulliniks

 

Poll: What should Stephen Harper fight to Defend the Honour of Canadians?

Dear Prime Minister Stephen Harper,

Following the shocking (and soon to be forgotten) anti-seal hunt manifesto introduced recently by popstars Ke$ha and Iggy Pop, I got to thinking.

It is quite obvious that the international community sees Canadians as monsters who care only about killing helpless, innocent, soft baby seals.

We have to change this misconception. We, as a nation, are capable of killing so much more. More dangerous things, more evil things, less soft things.

I propose that you, Mr. Harper, be the figurehead for this movement of change.

Below is a poll, outlining that which we, the Canadian people, feel you should kill. Once the poll closes on April 17th, 2011, I will contact you with the results.

Go Canada!

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

HARPER GOVERNMENT IN A PANIC: "the Canadian seal slaughter is barbaric and archaic" says respected American artist

You're right Ke$ha, it hasn't been the same since Whiskey Saigon closed.

Just when Stephen Harper figured he was cruising all the way to a majority government comes news that respected musician and MTV Europe Music Award winning artist Ke$ha has launched a vicious campaign against the venerable Canadian tradition of clubbing baby seals.

Toronto Blue Jays 2011 Pre-Season Report Card Part 2

The 2011 Blue Jays infield raises a number of questions. 12 games into the season, the Jays are a disappointing 6 and 6. Compare this record to their first 12 games of past seasons:

2010: 7 wins, 5 losses

2009: 8 wins, 4 losses

2008: 7 wins, 5 losses

2007: 7 wins, 5 losses

2006: 6 wins, 6 losses

The last time they started this slowly was 2006. I don’t have to remind any true Blue Jays fan of how that year ended. Sure, it may have been their best season in the last 10 years; they finished 2^nd in the AL East to the Yankees, but they still finished 2^nd, which is still losing. And that’s where this gets frightening. They were losers in 2006, and their infield barely resembles that of the 2006 season. Obviously this is the reason for their disappointing start. One has to wonder:

1. Would that record be 8 and 4 if the Blue Jays had won 2 games instead of losing them?
2. How much better would the Jays be if they hadn’t messed with a good thing, and kept double-machine Lyle Overbay?
3. What is new catcher J.P.Arencibia’s relationship to ex-GM J.P. Riccardi?
4.  Edwin Encarnacion… yes or no?
5. Who the hell is Mike McCoy, and does he have the potential to dethrone Rance Mulliniks as the king of the hearts of Blue Jay fans?

All of these are valid questions, and all are answered after the jump:

Top 100 Most Influential and Important People, Things and Emotions of the Last Ten Years: Numbers 100- 94

People need order in their lives. People need to know what outranks what, and why it does so. We have taken an exhaustive look at every aspect of modern life, and have compiled this list. This is the definitive ranking of the people, the things, and the emotions that have shaped and changed our world, for better or for worse, over the last 10 years.

Of course based on it’s sheer size the list had to be broken into a number of smaller parts.

This week we kick it off with numbers 100 - 94, stay tuned for Part II on April 16^th.  

Religion, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 4

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

like two heads of the same dragon who are aligned in destroying the country side, but then who fight over the plunder. (the answer is after the jump)

Which Former Canadian Chief Electoral Officer are You?

In honor of the upcoming Canadian election I made this kick-ass quiz, honoring some of the most exciting fellows in Canada's distinguished history. That's right, the party hounds known as Canada's Former Chief Electoral Officers. I didn't include the incumbent, Marc Mayrand, as he has yet to prove himself.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Religion, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 3

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

Robert Patinson's "Water for Elephants" will be the feel good film of the summer. (the answer is after the jump)

Religon, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 2

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

Pixie Q. Moonbeam gestures magically and energy (which once-upon-a-time could neither be created nor destroyed) appears. (the answer is after the jump)

Religion, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 1

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

The surplus was a result of Regan's administration. Please go read some books on economics. Clinton did some seriously idiotic things when he was president. (the answer is after the jump)

EMERGENCY JUAN RIVERA NEWS

Finally, proof that Blue Jays utility man Juan "El Tigrillo" Rivera is ushering in the end of days. In my dedicated research I stumbled across this video, obviously used to train youths for his militia.

At the 0:26 mark he lists off the guns apparently arming the Rivera youth.

At 0:37, he baits and corrupts the young with visions of sweet sweet Tecate.

I believe, as seen at 1:15 of the video, he will refrer the the first stage of the Rivera rapture as the "explosion nortena". I don't know what that means, but stay vigilant friends.

PLEASE NOTE: I do not speak Mexican, and therefore cannot fully translate what is happening in this video, and only make educated guesses based on my knowledge of Juan Rivera's nefarious nature. If any Mexican speaking readers can fill me in, please do so in the comments below.

UPDATE: I Just Won $600,000 pt. 3

I've emailed my friend Robert Diamond Jr. at Barclays to see if he's sure they sent the winning email to the right person. I certainly hope they have.

In the meantime, I was sent this by my friends at Heineken. It does add up, and again it does look completely legitimate.

I can't wait to claim my winnings!

Juan Rivera Weekly News Round-Up

It was a busy weekend for utility player/untrustworthy monster Juan Rivera.

First, his career as a Mexican folk singer turned drug lord was uncovered by this very blog on Sunday.

What strikes this reporter is the fact that Rivera is so proud of his unsavory extra-curricular activities.

BREAKING NEWS: I Just Won $600,000 pt. 2

God bless the efficiency of the Heineken Bottling Company!

No sooner had I responded to Anthonie Van Duckerweg, Reverend Anthoni Mark, and/or Mr. David Mark with the information required to claim my prize, than I was sent proof from Robert E. Diamond Jr., Chief Executive of Barclays PLC, showing that this is indeed for real, and that I am indeed the rightful winner of $600,000.
He went so far as to send me proof of his identity in the form of his Barclays Staff Identity Card.

Having worked in my fair share of office environments, I'm very familiar with these types of cards. As such, I'm confident to report that nothing, I repeat NOTHING, looks illegitimate about this. Especially not the poor resolution of his picture on the card. Or the mis-matched fonts used in the address.

I Just Won $600,000

This is awesome. I just won $600,000 from Heineken.

I am so excited about this I have decided to keep the world informed of my progress via blog.

Below I've included the first email I got from Heineken about my winnings. Just a couple things I find cool about this.

Toronto Blue Jays 2011 Pre-Season Report Card Part 1

It's that time of year, baseball fans!

"What time of year?" you ask.
"Baseball time!" comes my reply.

Also, the Toronto Blue Jays are ready to return to dominance in the American League East.

Doubtful? I don't blame you. However I know more about baseball than you, therefore you are wrong.

To explain why, look at this report card I did for them, similar to what they do in real newspapers.