Toronto Blue Jays 2011 Pre-Season Report Card Part 1

It's that time of year, baseball fans!

"What time of year?" you ask.
"Baseball time!" comes my reply.

Also, the Toronto Blue Jays are ready to return to dominance in the American League East.

Doubtful? I don't blame you. However I know more about baseball than you, therefore you are wrong.

To explain why, look at this report card I did for them, similar to what they do in real newspapers.


OUTFIELD / DESIGNATED HITTER

I have one concern in the outfield/designated hitter area. It's name is Juan Rivera. It looks untrustworthy. It is like some untrustworthy Latin devil has been allowed to play baseball.

Then I found this video. My god... this man is is a monster. I don't want a monster like this playing for my team.

On the plus side we have another Mexican on the team who doesn't kill people in Jose Bautista

Then we have this:

Travis Snider now officially has the best puberty moustache in baseball. I do think, however, that his youth and inexperience may be a hinderance. I would like to see the Jays sign a wily veteran to help him round into the puberty moustached player we all know he can be.

As such, I would like to see Jeff Kent come out of retirement and return to the team at which he started his career.

Kent could teach Snider all he knows about ill shaped, embarassing facial hair.
Then they could start a band with that douche from the Killers.

They would call themselves Afterglow Triad and write songs with a blistering, both-barrels approach etched in the grain of smash hits like the wistful wakeup call of “"It's Not My Time",” the contemplative “"Pages", and the stem-winding lure of “Train,” among others.

Back to the Jays, there's also Rajai Davis.

So looking at those players it's safe to say the Jays have an interesting year ahead of them in the outfield.

Grades

If they can keep Juan Rivera under control: B+

If they can't: God help us all...