HARPER GOVERNMENT IN A PANIC: "the Canadian seal slaughter is barbaric and archaic" says respected American artist

You're right Ke$ha, it hasn't been the same since Whiskey Saigon closed.

Just when Stephen Harper figured he was cruising all the way to a majority government comes news that respected musician and MTV Europe Music Award winning artist Ke$ha has launched a vicious campaign against the venerable Canadian tradition of clubbing baby seals.


Second only to hockey in the eyes of many Canadians, clubbing helpless baby seals is woven deeply in the fabric of the nations identity. "Because the babies' fur is so soft," explained the socially-aware visionary "there are people who club and brutally kill these young animals."

While the Canadian population's need to destroy that which is soft is common knowledge, many Americans are disgusted by the practice, especially when compared to their more restrained traditions such as acting entitled and pompus in foreign countries, and killing politicians.

One can only assume that Harper's election team is in panic mode, awaiting the launch of Ke$ha's "plan to encourage [her] fans to write in their own protest letters to Canada's Prime Minister Stephen Harper in Ottawa".

Meanwhile, Ke$ha joins an elite list of celebrities who have momentarily focused on the honest tragedy that is the annual seal hunt, before returning to their mountains of cocaine, such as Morrissey and MacGyver.