Friday, January 6, 2012

Is Anthopoulos' "Comfort" Turning the Jays into Meg Ryan?

People believe Alex Anthopoulos is making a lot of phone calls on behalf of the Toronto Blue Jays.
Unfortunately the way things have been going for the Jays he'd have better luck calling radio talk shows in search of a wife for Tom Hanks.  
Last year I set about trying to drum up interest in a tent-pole blockbuster about your 2011 Toronto Blue Jays.
At the time I pegged Terrence Malick to direct, thinking he’d be willing to change pace from his usual visually-stunning-but-boring-as-hell style to take on the Blue Jays tale. Early reports of Tree of Life being a massive turd made me think he’d want a change of pace.
Well apparently my sources were wrong, as Tree of Life is being ranked amongst the best movies of the year. I refuse to see it out of the fact I know it’s going to a narcoleptic’s wet dream (anyone familiar with Malick’s work who disagrees with me is a liar).

But that got me thinking: what if the Blue Jays story isn’t a sprawling epic?
What if it’s actually a romantic comedy?
Directed by Nora Ephron..
What do I mean?

It all comes down to this article.
In the article lies this nugget of goodness from returning Jays reliever Jason Frasor, referring to AA’s feeling on the revamped Toronto bullpen: "He basically said with Santos, Oliver, Casey, and me, I think he's comfortable with the back end." 

Hold on... “Comfortable with the back end”?
AA’s "comfort" is supposed to inspire confidence in the legions of Jays fans feeling burnt (albeit unjustifiably) by the Yu Darvish debacle?
Realistically the changes to the Jays bullpen should help them this season.  They’ve finally got what appears to be a more-than-serviceable closer in Sergio Santos. Darren Oliver brings a veteran presence and a solid left arm.  Jason Frasor is back to piss me off inning after inning by blowing game after game provide stable, dependable relief.*
What makes me nervous is the fact that Anthopoulos seems to see the revamped bullpen in much the same way Meg Ryan sees Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle.  
Yeah, they get along ok, but we all know Meg Ryan wants Tom Hanks.
And the audience wants Meg Ryan to get with Tom Hanks.
Let me spell it out for you: the Jays are Meg Ryan, Bill Pullman is the bullpen now, Tom Hanks is what the bullpen should be, Jays fans are Sleepless in Seattle fans.
Sleepless in Seattle would have sucked more than it already does if Meg Ryan stayed with Bill Pullman. And to my eyes, Anthopoulos saying he's "comfortable" with the bullpen (admittedly via evil, winnable-game-ruining hellspawn reliable middle reliever Jason Frasor*) means he doesn't want Meg Ryan (a.k.a. the Toronto Blue Jays) to achieve that which is rightfully theirs- undying love (a.k.a. a third World Series title).
Then again, Prince Fielder might be Tom Hanks (his facial hair can get kind of Cast Away, and bearing his physical condition in mind, his next contract is sure to be kind of The Money Pit)
And he might go to Seattle.
And if that were to happen, it would destroy my entire argument: Hanks was running away from Seattle, not running to it.
So instead of thinking about that, lets just think about Prince Fielder's facial hair, and the movie Cast Away. 

At first I wanted to put Fielder's face on the Cast Away poster. But really, this struck me as a perfect fit

*my New Year's resolution is to be nicer when referring to Jason Frasor. I've been reading up on him and he seems like an ok guy. Still, he's so easy to attack. Stand up for yourself, goddammit.


  1. Fck that beechball looks like prince feilder!

  2. I think the better analogy is the Jays fans are the little boy in Sleepless in Seattle who desperately need a mommy.