Monday, August 15, 2011

Who will Play the 2011 Blue Jays? Part 3

It has been awhile since the last report on casting for Terrence Malik's untitled 2011 Toronto Blue Jay film.

In PART 1 we announced Steve Carrell as John McDonald, Ryan Gosling as Aaron Hill, Lee Majors as John Farrell and some other dude as Juan Rivera, which doesn't matter any more because he's gone (HOORAY!).

In PART 2 we looked at David "Squiggy" Lander as Jason Frasor (also gone... HOORAY!), R&B superstar Usher as Jose Bautista and Justin Bieber as Alex Anthopoulos. 

A lot has changed since May 16th, the date of the last casting report.

On May 16th, the Jays were 1 game over .500. As of August 15th they're 2 games over.

And so today, in celebration of this enormous improvement, we will look at who will be playing some of the younger members of your Toronto Blue Jays, because as Whitney said, I believe the children are our future. And Whitney starred with Kevin Costner in the Bodyguard. And Costner built the god-damn field of dreams. So on that note...

Matthew Fox is J.P. Arencibia

Apparently Terrence Malik has been planning this casting since well before the man-in-white-stealing-signs incident, which as this site points out bring up shades of "Lost" - the show with which Fox is most linked.

Fox is the perfect Arencibia for two distinct reasons, however:

  1. The ladies LOVE J.P. A friend of mine at this hipster-centric website once told me that J.P. Arencibia "leads the league of [her] labia in home runs". She then went on to explain that Joba Chamberlin has been it's MVP 4 years running, which makes me question the integrity of her league's record keeping. Also, I didn't realize female genitalia could form legitimate baseball leagues, but live and learn I guess.
  2. J.P. seems like a crier. Look at his twitter feed to see how in touch with his emotions he truly is. For crying out loud, his picture is with a bunch of kids. J.P. is the Blue Jays equivalent of a hyper-sensitive Party of Five character. Which was a show that featured, you guessed it, Matthew Fox. Who, accordingly, can cry like a motherfucker:

Shia LaBeouf is Brett Lawrie

Malik and I are just as excited by Lawrie's early play as the next guy, but apparently he's a bit of a douche.

Also, apparently Shia LaBeouf is a lot of a douche. Look at the below pics, and tell me you don't agree that all LaBeouf's missing is a sideways hat.

Shia LaBeouf and his douche-y friend being general douches.
Brett Lawrie auditions for the role of Fred Durst in the Limp Bizkit movie

Pitbull is Ricky Romero

One of these pictures is Pitbull surrounded by beautiful women, the other Romero. You guess who is who.
This one was tough.

Ricky Romero has to have swagger.

He has to be 100% bad ass, enough for you to be a little bit afraid of him, but also have a hidden heart of gold.

Pitbull writes songs that aren't meant for me, or for Terrence Malik.

But he comes across as bad ass- he toured with 50 Cent.

And he comes across as having a hidden heart of gold- how bad ass can you be if you work with Enrique Iglesias?

Stay tuned as we figure out how many Jays are left and just throw shit at the wall to see what sticks.

No comments:

Post a Comment